Buying as a Drug.

I have hidden from my disease for years because I think that if I don't pay attention to it then maybe it will leave me alone.  It turns out that I can have a manic episode parallel with a depressive episode.  Throw in a dash of anxiety and it's a Molotov cocktail for my soul.  I finally broke down and went to a doctor today to get some meds to get me through this time.  Just knowing that I could turn this corner in the next few weeks is enough to give me hope and a little more strength to make it through one more day.

As for my mania; I actually drove 30 minutes away from my house to purchase some devices for my television that I have wanted for ages.  I told myself that it was because they were having an amazing rebate sale and I have a guy coming to install a bunch of stuff tomorrow for me.  I couldn't have waited to go anymore than I can resist sneezing.  This is my third shopping trip in a week.  I had gone 3 months until now.  The tide has turned.  I haven't been sleeping much and when I do sleep it's nightmares of the horrible things happening to my family variety.  I'm on the wire and at the same time I want to hide my head under the pillow and never come out.  How is that fair?