Bits.

Too many things have happened or are going to happen since I've negelected my blog.  Short order to catch myself up.

1.  Having my mother's memorial service this month.  Meeting relatives that I have never met.  House must be clean to achieve some level of sanity.  House is no where near clean and I want to die.

2.  Meeting with my estranged father for the first time in 15 years at a truck stop in Alabama on Monday.  Nervous to the point of wanting to throw up.  Also excited like a kid before Christmas.

3.  Bean was messed up pretty badly by his last crappy ass preschool teacher and we're still feeling the aftershocks.  Not sure if I mentioned it before but he has PDD-NOS, which is an Autism Spectrum Disorder.  SSill haven't told most of the family because fuck them.  He's still the same sweet kid he just needs more coping skills than some of his peers.  And fuck people who want to "cure" autism.  What's next . . . "curing" people who have green eyes (like me?)  or people with a different skin tone?  Hmmmm, why does that sound familiar?

4.  Bug is fine but cutting her 12 month molars at 14-15 months and doing it excuriateingly slowly.  Otherwise she is funny, and cute, and full of toddler curiosity.  She finally began walking shortly after she turned 13 months old.

5.  I am depressed and anxious.  Nothing new I know but it's proving very hard to shake.

6.  I finally found a church that I like attending and every week the pastor's message reverberates through me.  It's wonderful and a little creepy at the same time.

7.  I'm tired of nursing.  It's been almost 4 years.  I feel bad for Bug because my heart just isn't in it anymore.  We're still doing it, and I still have some of those precious moments that steal my breath, but I'm also looking at calendars to try to figure out when I can have my body back. 

8.  Frog is finally going into inpatient rehab for his drinking.  It's either that or a divorce.  I've been on this merry-go-round too long now.  I'm finally realizing that I'm a perfectly capable woman and I can be a good mom anyway that I have to, even if that means doing it alone.  I obviously, would prefer that we can work through this and come out on the other side stronger for the expereince, but I also know that it's a disease of relapse.  The thing that does suck is the 28 days of single parentig that I will experience.  But I can learn from that too.

9.  I'm finally going to get another tattoo.

10.  I have insomnia and no ability to nap because Bean is out for summer break.  It's becoming a dangerous thing.

11. I finally went grocery shopping today.  It had been months since I went for more than bread and milk.

12.  I have but a few female friends that actually stick by me but the ones I have are pure gold and gems.

Comments

[Carol]

Bits are good.
Remember me?

[knotty grrl]

I certainly do Carol! How are things in your neck of the woods?

[Carol]

Pretty good. I'm trying to decrease my lithium and eventually go off of it because of a recent scare I had with kidney disease. (No worry, it was paperwork mixup)

Come and see me sometimes. I bunk in the same spot..(blogspot that is.)