A Two Martini Knotty Grrl

Day One.

So today was the first day of the new meds.  Not meds for my bipolar problems because those aren't known to be safe for nursing, but meds for the anxiety and the depression that have totally kicked my butt.  When I start calling people and bursting into tears I am very far gone.

Also, I'm trying to think up good code names for my kids but for now I'll just say that my daughter is very sick with a bladder and kidney infection and it may have been the final straw that broke my own personal crazy camel's back.  I am actually going to stop talking about it right now because I feel a panic attack coming on and I think I need to log off.

Buying as a Drug.

I have hidden from my disease for years because I think that if I don't pay attention to it then maybe it will leave me alone.  It turns out that I can have a manic episode parallel with a depressive episode.  Throw in a dash of anxiety and it's a Molotov cocktail for my soul.  I finally broke down and went to a doctor today to get some meds to get me through this time.  Just knowing that I could turn this corner in the next few weeks is enough to give me hope and a little more strength to make it through one more day.

As for my mania; I actually drove 30 minutes away from my house to purchase some devices for my television that I have wanted for ages.  I told myself that it was because they were having an amazing rebate sale and I have a guy coming to install a bunch of stuff tomorrow for me.  I couldn't have waited to go anymore than I can resist sneezing.  This is my third shopping trip in a week.  I had gone 3 months until now.  The tide has turned.  I haven't been sleeping much and when I do sleep it's nightmares of the horrible things happening to my family variety.  I'm on the wire and at the same time I want to hide my head under the pillow and never come out.  How is that fair?

New Neighborhood.

I have been doing this blogging thing for well over two years now but I had to move because too many people from my "real" life found my old blog and it had serious negative effects on my life.  I still need the outlet though so here I am . . movin' on up even!  This is a step up from my last blog server.  I'm not sure where I'm going to take this but I can guarantee that it'll be as much of a wild rumpus as I can stand!